Infertility

 Todays post is a super personal one. One that I never intended to write. One that I don't know if I will even post. 

I've been here before, but every time it happens I feel an ache. This time it hurt more.

We have been trying to get pregnant since last June. It has been 14 months or so. When I went to my annual gyno appointment this spring I mentioned that and she asked what I wanted to do and I told her I wanted to wait until the end of the summer and see what happened. She told me to give her a call if I needed her. Well now my self-imposed deadline has come and I suppose the testing begins. 

I feel like a real life Monica Gellar. I love to clean and organize and I struggle with infertility.

Now, I know some people try to get pregnant for years and might look at my 14 month struggle and think I'm overreacting. I know people who don't struggle with getting pregnant don't understand what this feels like. I know that even my husband doesn't understand how much it pains me every month when I feel like my body has failed me again.

I wonder what I'm doing wrong. I've been taking the vitamins, I'm eating healthy, I'm exercising, I take ovulation tests...why can't my body get pregnant?

What am I doing wrong?

Why can everyone else get pregnant so easily and so quickly? 

Why does everyone keep asking me when I'm going to have kids as if it's something that's easy for everyone to do?

Why does it bother me when I hear other people are pregnant? I swear every blogger/youtuber I follow has all been pregnant or had a baby during the last 14 months.

I know I'm not going to get answers to these questions. I even sent a message to a blogger that has talked about infertility extensively and the only thing she could tell me was that she would pray for me. 

I'm sorry this seems like just a whiney, sad post but I just need to send this into the universe and hope for a change in the future.