Monday, November 30, 2020

Things Not To Say To Someone Struggling With Infertility (Or Anyone For That Matter....)

 Good morning and Happy Monday!

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Ours was super low key but it was really nice considering everything happening this year. While we missed many family members we are glad that everyone is staying safe. We have quite a few people on one side of our family who were exposed to covid at work and have tested positive. Luckily everyone is okay so far, just feeling flu-like.

Today I want to share a list of things you should NOT say to someone struggling with infertility. Or anyone for that matter. But especially not someone who struggles with infertility. 

When you want a baby and are struggling to get pregnant it insanely difficult. Through my own experience I feel very weepy and sometimes very "rage-y" and it is hard for me to listen to a lot of comments people make. Although people don't truly know what it's like to deal with infertility until you have actually experienced it yourself, everyone can certainly watch what they say and be kinder. 



  • Why aren't you pregnant yet? What's wrong with you? 

Believe it or not this one is from personal experience. NEVER, NEVER ask someone why they             aren't pregnant yet. Just because you've been married for an entire year does not give anyone the right to ask why you aren't pregnant yet. You can take as much time as you want. However if you have been trying this comment cuts you to your very core. Why aren't you pregnant yet, well you don't know what the reason is because you've been trying! This comment cut me deep and I know that it must feel the same for others. Also, it's never okay to ask a woman what is wrong with her. Specifically in this case if she has issues with her period. Sorry, but that is not something I want to discuss with a random family member unless they happen to also be my gynecologist.

  • Be thankful you don't have to deal with X, Y, Z....
Guess what? I would gladly deal with the mountains of laundry you have for your two children. The screaming fits? I'm sure they seem like the end of the world in your eyes, but I envy them. Do not complain about your kid to me, I would give anything to have my own! I know so many people who only complain about their children and it absolutely kills me. I get that you have been at home with your kids during the quarantine. I get that it's a lot to be with your children all day everyday, but while I'm struggling to get pregnant it's the last thing I want to hear. 

  • You should adopt/ I will carry a kid for you
Sometimes this is said as a meaningful generous comment but it is not heard this way. Maybe we will adopt someday, but maybe not. Adopting is expensive. Also, I don't want someone else to carry my baby for me. I want to experience pregnancy. I want to carry my own baby. Part of having a baby is getting to carry them and experiencing pregnancy and having that taken away is not my first choice. If this is the route that you choose to go I have absolutely no judgement but as of right now that is not my path and when people suggest these options to me they are essentially suggesting I should give up hope on getting pregnant which is frustrating.

  • You have plenty of time/ You're young
Well I'm 32 currently and don't exactly feel young anymore. Also, the last thing you want to hear when you want to be pregnant now is "you have plenty of time". There are many reasons why you want to have a baby at a certain point of your life and you feel that is the best time to have one and it is honestly not anyone else's business. Do not tell people they have plenty of time because you truly have no idea what someones timeline looks like/when they will go through menopause/etc... Unless of course you are their gynecologist then feel free to chime in.

  • It will happen when it happens/ God's timing
I am allowed to want children when I want them. Fate, God, whatever you believe in should not control me being able to have a baby. Other people get pregnant on the first month they try, it is okay to be upset when you haven't been able to get pregnant after months of trying. I emailed one of the bloggers I have regularly read for years who once struggled with infertility and now has children. She basically told me I needed to trust God when I asked for advice. As someone who is not super religious and doesn't participate in organized religion, this wasn't helpful or needed advice. I needed someone to tell me that this sucks and that they were hoping it would work out for me, not that I needed to trust in Gods timing.

  • What is the reason? Who is at fault?
There is something called unexplained infertility and it's no ones fault. I know I've talked about this before but my husband and I went through quite a bit of testing. My husband came back clear and so did I. This means there is no real reason we haven't been able to get pregnant, it just hasn't happened yet! I've had people push and say that there must be a reason behind our infertility. 15%-30% of couples experience unexplained infertility after they get their fertility workup, so truly there is no known reason. It is painful to have someone continue to press that something must be wrong. 

  • Don't be upset/ sad/ angry
Well this one is just plain stupid. Don't tell me not to be upset because I am allowed to feel however it is I feel. If I find out someone is pregnant and want to be sad I can be sad! It's not that I don't feel happy for whoever is pregnant but I am allowed to mourn the fact that it is not as easy for me as it is for everyone else. I am allowed to be angry and weepy when I get my period. I am allowed to be upset when someone says something that hurts my feelings in regards to my infertility. Telling someone to not feel what they are feeling is not okay. I have had many people tell me things along these lines and it is unbelievably frustrating. 

  • At least you haven't experienced X, Y, Z
Okay, I get it. You had a terrible pregnancy, you experienced a miscarriage... all of these things are terrible. I feel for you, I do. I know a lot of people who have experienced miscarriage, I get how terrible it can be but that doesn't mean that infertility is any less terrible. I'm not diminishing your pain and your struggle so do not diminish mine. It must be terrible to lose a baby that you are growing inside you, that pain must be indescribable. What's also terrible is every month for 18 months taking pregnancy tests and never seeing a second line. For 18 months waking up to your period and wondering what is wrong with you. Crying to your husband that you don't understand why your body just can't get pregnant. Wondering if you will ever be able to have a baby and if any of the treatments you will do will work. Wishing, hoping and wanting every month for 18 months is exhausting. So before you start comparing your pain and struggles to mine, stop. I won't compare my pain to yours if you don't compare your pain to mine.

I hope this post didn't come across as insensitive and rude. As I have mentioned before we finished our fertility workups. I have started clomid and one of the symptoms is feeling rage-y so I have decided to channel my rage into this lovely list that you just finished reading. If you made it to the end...thank you.

Monday, November 23, 2020

Our Fence is Complete!!!

 Yesterday was a very special day around here.... our backyard fence is complete!!!

If you've been following along you know that the privacy fence has been up for a few weeks (read more here) but we hadn't fenced up the back part yet. Saturday was a beautiful day so Tim and I headed outside to start attaching the wire fencing to the posts. We ended up getting about half of it done on Saturday and then finished up on Sunday. Guys, it was so overdue. I felt so much relief when it was finally done. We can finally let her run around with just her collar on and no leash trailing behind her. We can finally leave her in the backyard and run back inside to use the bathroom if she's not ready to come in yet. It is a huge relief and I wish we had done it a year ago!!

I have plans to plant some shrubs on the sides of the privacy fence so you will be unable to see the wire fencing from the street. I plan on allowing the woods to grow as close to the fence as it can. I really want it to fill in so I will be encouraging any natural growth that happens.

Wow, my husband is really the best husband around! He pushed through to get this project done for me! (Well for Sophie....)

Once Tim got the hang of hooking the fence up it seemed to go pretty quickly. 

On day two we started on the opposite side of the yard and then used a third roll of fencing to connect the two.

Now, you may be curious how Sophie is reacting. She doesn't seem to notice there is a fence....

Or maybe she has noticed but she just doesn't care. She's a happy girl running around the fenced in yard and she  doesn't seem to care that she's trapped. 

Our yard is pretty big but pretty much full of dirt. Hopefully next year we will get grass but honestly it bothers Tim more than it bothers me. In the above picture you can see our fire pit which next year will be surrounded by rocks and Adirondack chairs. (Side note- if you want Adirondack chairs apparently you have to buy them early in the season- there were none left come July this past summer!!!)

You'll also notice that the posts are taller than the fence which was not intended. However, I think it will work out because I want to put solar lights on all the posts. We have lights on the back of our house but they don't reach all the way to the back of the yard which I would like to have lit up so Sophie isn't afraid to venture all the way back there. If you have any suggestions for solar lights please let me know!!

Isn't this picture adorable?! The only time she seems to care about the fence is when someone is on the other side and we don't intend on hanging out in the woods much, so it should be just fine :)

Phew. Another BIG project done!!!

Have a great day everybody!!!

Monday, November 16, 2020

Christmas Decor 2020

I totally meant to have this post up last week, but my computer has been so weird and I've been having a hard time loading pictures from my phone to my computer, so I think I've finally managed to get everything in the post and can now officially share my Christmas decor for this year!

I found this pretty wreath at Christmas Tree Shop a few weeks ago when I went shopping with my mom. I didn't know it when I bought it, but this totally set off my decorating style for this year. My living room is completely a woodland theme and I LOVE IT. I never really thought about it as I collected my decor but it is a woodland theme and I think it looks so pretty. I am pretty obsessed with it and think I will continue collecting items for this theme as the years go on. 

Last year I placed Christmas ornaments inside this vase but so far I have left it empty. I may find something to put inside but for now I'm enjoying the simplicity here on the kitchen counter. 

I still love this little bear I've had for years and here is one of my mini flocked trees.

My mom bought us this snowman set of salt and pepper shakers last year at Christmas and they are very cute. I'm not sure we will actually use them for salt and pepper but they look cute sitting on my counter!

Just like last year I put my garland on the top of my kitchen cabinets and decorated it with picks and flowers from Walmart. I didn't put the lit garland up there this year it's just very plain and it really brings some more Christmas cheer to the kitchen. 

I have a few sets of Christmas dish towels but here is one set hung up on the stove. I have a slight problem with collecting dish towels so I am not allowed to shop for them anymore. We have a whole drawer full and that's only because I donated a ton when they didn't all fit in one drawer. 

I love this little reindeer! I bought him last year and I think he's just the cutest. 

This is the only area where my living room is not woodland theme. This little elf was in my grandparents house growing up and my grandma let me take him home with me. I always smile when I pull him out. 

Same Christmas pillows as last year, I might need some more Christmas pillows....

I love my little houses that I picked up in the Target dollar spot! They were $5 for the set and I just love how they look with my little flocked trees. 

This reindeer is new this year too. He came from Christmas Tree Shop and was a total impulse buy. I cannot say no to cute animals. 

More garland on these kitchen cabinets.

Here is the snowman cookie jar that my mom bought us last year, he matches the salt and pepper shakers and doesn't hold anything but looks super cute on the counter!

I initially brought up the Christmas tree I bought last year (and had in our office last year) but it looked so huge and ridiculous in our small living room I decided to get a small pencil tree. This one was $79 from Walmart and I of course went with a flocked tree. I absolutely love it and it allows us to have Christmas spirit but still have our living room be mostly useable. 

Someday we will be able to fit a huge tree in our living room, but right now it's really not a possibility. The tree skirt is new as well and is also from Walmart. 

It is a very small tree but right now while it's just the two three of us we really don't need anything huge. 

Sophie doesn't really care about the tree...or any of the decorations. That was a little shocking to me, but I am thrilled that she is living everything alone.

Are you all decorated for Christmas? I need to do my outside decorating, but I am pleased with the inside so far!

Wednesday, November 4, 2020

Outdoor Christmas Decor Inspiration

 I know, I know. Halloween was less than a week ago and not everyone is ready to jump into Christmas. I am totally ready however and am starting to gather inspiration for decor. I want to get everything ordered that I need and make sure I am ready to go.

Last year I decorated pretty minimally outside and used some cheap pre-lit garlands on our handrails and the same on our mailbox. This year I want it to look a little nicer since I have had time to think about what I want. I know I didn't do much for Halloween and truly want to make up for it with my Christmas decor.

Here's what I'm thinking...


I would like to get some nicer pre-lit garland to put on our new fence. I think it will look so nice against the white! I just need to find garland that looks nice, is pre-lit with a battery pack, and doesn't cost a million dollars. Let me know if you find anything!



We have a very small area to work with at our front door. It's very narrow and we can't place too much on the steps or we won't be able to use the front door. I bought a wreath a few weeks back that I will be putting up. I am also trying to think of decor I can place along our walkway since that is a new feature this year.  Someday our boxwoods will be large enough to wrap lights around, but right now they are still tiny and would look silly. 

I'm also thinking about doing either just lights or a lit garland to frame the doorway, that is something we could definitely incorporate.

I am planning on decorating our mailbox again this year but I'm hopeful I can make it look a little nicer this year! I have something similar to what is in the picture above that my mom bought for us. Last year I wrapped a garland around the base on my mailbox but it didn't match at all. I still want to use the top part but will be on the lookout for other ideas for the base. 

What do you do to decorate for Christmas outside? I am wishing I put in window boxes this summer because they would look so nice! I will definitely continue to scour pinterest for decor ideas but it's hard when most of the pictures are huge houses with big front porches! I keep dreaming up my big house that we will build someday! I will keep on wishing for it, and my big front porch!!

Monday, November 2, 2020

Halloween Weekend 2020

Hey friends! Did everyone have a great Hall-o-weekend? It was very low-key around here (like most weekends around here) but I thought it was great to have Halloween on a Saturday. I think we should observe Halloween on the last Saturday of October every year, anyone else with me on that?

Sophie loves her toys from her Barkbox and I love that each month the theme changes. We were of course thrilled to see Halloween themed toys and Sophie has been enjoying her Vampy-corn, Barry Bones, and Ghouly Worm. If you haven't signed up for Barkbox and you have a pup it's a great idea to get a year-long subscription as a Christmas present for them! We truly enjoy having this box come each month and I think the price is 100% worth it!

Guys, it snowed here on Friday!! My poor pumpkin and mums enduring the storm, they look so sad!

We spent a lot of the weekend cuddled up on the couch and Sophie was thrilled with all of it! I love how sweet her face is in this picture. 

I feel so lame. This is what I did for Halloween trick-or-treating. I made 30 treat bags and left them out for our neighborhood kids. We ended up with 5 leftover so it ended up being just about the perfect amount. Even though I put out a pumpkin and some little Halloween decals on the door, I didn't really do much outside decorating for Halloween. I always intended on going back out to pick up more pumpkins/gourds and make the front steps look nicer but I just never did. I felt especially bad about my decorating skills when I saw what The Blonde Abroad had done....

(This picture is a screenshot of @theblondeabroad Halloween post on Instagram)

How cute is her setup?! Her dog Bailey looked so cute as Harry Potter and I couldn't believe all the awesome decor she had. If you aren't already following her on Instagram she is one of my favorites. Normally she is traveling non-stop but has recently purchased a house in San Diego and is doing some home decor content which I love! I felt very inferior when I saw her decor versus what I had going on outside!! I always say next year....

Last week at BJs I picked up a huge box of Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate mix and I kicked off hot chocolate season on Halloween! I love fall and have enjoyed having my fall decor up inside our house but I am ready to decorate for Christmas. 

It seems like more than half the people I follow on Instagram started decorating yesterday for Christmas. I didn't start yesterday but I am planning on starting very soon. Tomorrow I have the day off from work so I will be taking down all of my fall decor and giving the house a good deep clean and I plan on decorating for Christmas maybe next weekend. Let me know when you are planning on decorating for Christmas, I would love to hear how long you are waiting this year.

Speaking of tomorrow, it's my husbands birthday!!!

Happy Birthday Tim! You are the most patient, kind, wonderful person in the world and I cannot imagine my life without you. You are my match in every way and I am so lucky to be married to you!!